Painting Myself Screwed
by Silver Miko
Summary: When Michiru goes to Austrailia for a family event, Haruka is left alone to guard Michiru's new painting, and everything goes to hell in a handbasket^^


Title: Paint Me Screwed  
Author: Silver Miko aka Lauren Gallo  
E-mail: silvermoon510@hotmail.com  
  
  
Notes: This is my sad attempt to show the NextGen authors and Phil/DS/whatever the hell he wants to be called what I could do NextGen-wise so I can be an author too. If they'll have me.... ;_; Please have me....I'll do anything, well... not ANYTHING....but pretty much anything...  
  
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Running the track, Haruka Tenou tried to clear her mind, to get rid of stress. This time she wasn't running away from her destiny, no. She was running from a different problem. She stopped and took a breath. "Michiru's going to kill me."  
  
*Three Days Ago*  
  
Haruka sat at the arcade playing the race car game with Minako, who was desperately trying to keep up with Haruka.   
"Come on, Haruka-san! Can't you gimme a break?!"  
"You want me to cheat? Where's the fun in that?"  
"Well, I'm tired of losing....OH NO I CRASHED! DAMNIT!"   
"Looks like you need to practice harder and stop boy-chasing."  
"Yeah well, some of us don't have the natural talent you do and besides, I like boy-chasing, so stop trying to make me bi."  
Haruka laughed and grabbed her book bag.  
"I've got to go, Michiru's waiting for me."  
"Okay, tell her I said hi and to not throw whatever the hell it was at your head this time."  
"Uh....right." Haruka laughed slightly embarrassed, wondering why in the hell she told Minako Michiru had hit her in the head with the porn video that the tape store 'accidentally' gave her.  
  
Whistling, Haruka walked down the street towards the Parlor where Michiru was waiting. She saw Usagi and Mamoru exiting, looking very eager to get to wherever they were going. Haruka noticed they were a little flustered and that Mamoru's usual neat appearance was slightly disheveled.  
"Well, I guess she's not so pure after all." Oh you're one to talk, Haruka.   
She mentally shushed her subconscious and walked into the Parlor, where sure enough, she spotted Michiru waiting.  
Sitting across from her, Haruka smiled.  
"How was your day?" she asked.  
"Fine. Began a new composition, bought more paint, finished my painting finally! Yours?"  
"Ate lunch. Went to the arcade and beat Minako six times at racing, discovered our Princess isn't as innocent as she seems, and that's it."  
"Rather be fighting a daimon or youma, huh?"  
"Crossed my mind. I dunno, it's been really quiet."  
"I know, but hey, no bruises or scratches."  
"Yeah, but then we don't get to kiss the booboos better." Haruka said arching an eyebrow.  
"Well, anyway, I've got to go out of town for the weekend."  
Haruka frowned. Girlfriend...away....weekend....alone...no Michiru....no night time loving..........  
"Why????" Haruka asked, surprised that there was a slight whininess in her voice.  
"Oh, my aunt had a baby and I have to go to Australia for the party, family only. It's Kaiou tradition. The kid'll be pretty sheltered knowing Auntie Umi."  
"Hmm... a weekend with your divorced parents who hate me, your bitchy cousins Nicole and Darcy, and more."  
"Yes, well, I can't back out of it. I can't say, 'I have to stay in Tokyo because there might be a monster attack and I'm Sailor Neptune...' I doubt that would work anyway."  
"Poor you. Try to bear it and come back to me as soon as possible."  
"I will. I mean, I'm not leaving until tomorrow."  
"Good, then I think it calls for snuggling tonight."  
Michiru narrowed her eyes. "No way, Haruka. You're parking yourself on the couch. I'm still not forgiving you for that tape."  
"But, Michiru! It was the video store's fau.." she stopped when Michiru gave her the 'Don't Backtalk Me' glare.  
"Now that that's settled, we should head home so you can pack my stuff."  
"Huh?" Haruka asked dumbfounded.  
"Penance, dear, penance."  
"I think banning me from the bedroom is penance enough." Haruka muttered as they walked out of the parlor and back to their apartment.  
  
*Present*  
  
Haruka stared in horror at what had been Michiru's beautiful painting of a fairy dancing in space, now covered in blobs of Ultramarine Blue paint, ink, nail polish, and glitter.  
Haruka shook her head in denial almost and paced around the room. Michiru would be returning in less than three hours from Sydney and Haruka was screwed. Royally screwed. And not in the way she liked.  
There was a knock on the door and Haruka scurried over to it, jumping over canvases and paint , magazines and rolls of paper towel. She opened to door and greeted a confused Time Guardian.  
"What was so urgent, Haruka? When you called I thought you were in danger or something, but I haven't sense any evil."  
"It's worse, Setsuna. Michiru's going to kill me...."  
Setsuna looked at the apartment and her jaw dropped.   
"What in the name of Hades did you DO?!" Setsuna exclaimed, almost squeaking out the last word, something she rarely did.   
"Well....you see...it all started..."  
  
* Yesterday *  
  
Haruka looked at the cookbook sitting on the kitchen counter with furrowed brows. "Pour the sauce over the meat, coating both sides and follow up with a dash of salt and pepper. Okay........... place meat on broiling pan and place meat in the oven. Let it cook to desired time on BROIL. Geez, how does Michiru do this? I really miss her."   
Shutting the oven door, Haruka reached for an Asuhi Dry beer in the fridge and sat on the couch. "Well, at least I can drink beer without a lecture. No, 'Haruka, that stuff is nasty!' or 'Haruka, I'm not kissing you with that beer breath!'.... I miss Michiru.." Haruka lamented setting the can of beer on the coffee table.  
There was a knock on the door and Haruka answered it, seeing it was Mamoru.  
"Mamoru-san, what are you doing here?"  
He sighed sadly. "Usako kicked me out of the apartment. Can I crash here tonight?"  
"Sure...but you're cooking for yourself, Chiba."   
"Thanks."  
Haruka turned back and arched an eyebrow. "Isn't it your apartment?"  
Mamoru nodded. Haruka turned around and chuckled. Mamoru was so whipped sometimes.  
"If you're thinking I'm whipped, I wouldn't talk if I were. Michiru-san has you wrapped around her finger."  
Haruka growled. She hated having that pointed out. Not that she minded being wrapped around those gorgeous slim fingers of an artist.....  
" I really miss Michiru." Haruka sniffled.  
Mamoru sat on the couch.  
"You're not going to cry and get girly on me are you? What's next? Dresses?"  
"You could put a gun to my head and I wouldn't wear one. Simple as that."  
"What about your sailor uniform?"  
Haruka took a sip of her beer as she sat down in her lounging recliner chair.   
"That's a uniform, Mr. I Have A Tux and I Throw Roses, so let's not get into that, cause there's some stuff I can say that'll probably piss you off."  
"You have such lack in my ego."  
"I've seen it beaten before. I might do damage such as, you sure have one hell of a flower fetish."  
"You're totally whipped."  
"You lose your memory too much."  
"You lose your mind too much."  
"You get stabbed too much."  
"You get beaten too."  
"Touche...but you know what.. YOUR CAR SUCKS!!!"  
Mamoru's smile disappeared and his eyes widened.  
"My... car? My....red...shiny....sports....car?"  
"Yes! It's fucking ugly! I'm telling you, go Porsche or Ferrari."  
"But...it's my car...." Mamoru muttered.  
"Trust me on this Capeboy."  
  
There was another knock on the door and Haruka rolled her eyes. "Who the hell is this now? I'm not letting anyone else crash here."  
She opened the door to see a rain soaked Usagi.  
"MAMO-CHAN!!!!"  
Mamoru eeped and stood up walking to his girlfriend.  
"Yes, Usako?"  
"You are coming with me NOW!"  
"But I...."  
" I thought she kicked you out?" Haruka piped in.  
"Well...I..."  
"No... no no no. We had a fight and he ran away because I was chasing him with a hair brush. Luckily I put a communicator in his jacket when I tackled him."  
"Right......well, looks like you're going with her, Mamoru-san. Have a nice night."  
"But...Haruka-san...."  
"Mamo-chan...."  
"Yes, Usako." Mamoru sighed following his girlfriend.  
Haruka shut the door and burst out laughing when she smelled something burning.  
"HOLY SHIT! MY STEAK!!!!!!  
  
She ran back towards the kitchen, but tripped and kicked and can of paint with an open ink well onto the painting. She stared in horror and disbelief as the bottle of nail polish Michiru had rested atop the canvas fell to the lower wooden edge, breaking, and leaking Manic Panic Cosmic Web onto the bottom of the painting.   
Haruka stood up and ran to the kitchen, turned off the oven, and removed the flaming steak, cursing and dumping it in the sink, running cold water over it and sent it down the garbage disposal.  
She grabbed a zillion paper towels and ran back to the painting, trying desperately to wipe off the paint, but it only made it worse.  
"Shit! Fuck! Damn! Michiru's going to kill me!!! Why is this happening to me?!! Is fate against me or something?!" she yelled out to no one in particular.  
  
Somewhere in space a blue haired girl and a green haired girl looked at the scene below.   
"Gee, is fate against her?" the green haired girl, Kaen, asked.  
"No... no. Haruka's screwing her own self over." The blue haired girl, Himeko, muttered.  
"Hmm.. I wonder what Serenity and Endymion are doing." Kaen pondered, pulling out a large remote control.  
"When they say Universal Remote, they're not kidding. Hey...why DID YOU PUT ON THE PORNO CHANNEL......oh wait... it's Serenity and Endymion...."  
"Is that even humanly possible?" Kaen asked tilting her head.  
"I think that's a position in the Kamma Sutra. Wow...we need to turn on something else...gimme that! Let's see what's Haruka doing now...still in shock."  
"Well, at least the last scene proved you right."  
"How so?"  
"Endymion DOES have a nice butt."  
Himeko sighed dreamily. "He does, doesn't he?"  
  
And the two messengers of fate and destiny continued in their voyeuristic ways.  
  
  
*Present*  
"Basically, I've painted myself screwed."  
"So, you want me to use the Garnet Rod to restore the painting to its state three days ago?" Setsuna asked, nibbling on the corner of an ice cream bar.  
"Yes...please...I'll do anything...well, almost anything."  
Setsuna frowned. "Get your mind out of the gutter. I'm the straight one remember?"  
"Uh huh. So will you do it?"  
"Nope. Can't be done."  
"Whaaaaaa??"  
"It's impossible."  
Haruka took a deep breath. "You can go to any point in time, exist out of the time, stop time, and YOU CAN'T RESTORE ONE FREAKING PAINTING?!"  
Setsuna stood up and threw her ice cream bar at Haruka. "NO! IT CAN'T BE DONE SO STOP BITCHING AND DEAL WITH THIS YOURSELF!!! Sayonara." Setsuna murmured walking out the door, pulling another ice cream bar out of subspace.  
  
Haruka frowned and took off her shirt, now covered in chocolate and vanilla. She walked to the laundry room and put it in the wash, then returned to the living room and picked up the ice cream bar, threw it away, and washed the remnants off the coffee table where she had flung it. Then the door opened and Michiru walked in carrying luggage.  
Haruka looked up and her eyes grew wide.  
"Hi, sweetie, darling, beautiful, wonderful Michiru!"  
"Geez, were you waiting for me?" Michiru asked, noting Haruka's shirtlessness.  
"It's a long, sad, painful story."  
"Okay, just as long as you'r............" she trailed off noticing the painting.  
She dropped her luggage on the floor as her mouth remained open. Calmly, she faced Haruka and walked up to her and looked her in the eyes.  
"Haruka, sweetie, darling, wonderful, apologetic Haruka...WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED TO MY PAINTING?!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"  
"Well, uh...heheh....calm down...there's an explanation. It all began with Mamoru coming over.............."  
  
* Later that Night *  
  
Haruka tossed and turned in her sleep, murmuring 'Love you, Michiru' and 'Please Forgive me, Michiru', and 'Don't throw that at me, Michiru'.  
THUD!  
Haruka opened her eyes and groaned as she rubbed her lower back, sore from falling off the couch.  
"Damnit, it was originally my apartment! Why do I have to be indefinitely banned to the couch?! Damn Mamoru, damn Usagi, damn Setsuna, damn paint and ink, damn blue nail polish, damn steak, damn cook book, damn oven, damn couch, damn mess, damn Cloverway.........."  
  
****  
  
Author's Note: I honestly don't know where I got the idea for this. It just sort of wrote itself out. Can you belief I was caffeine free when I wrote this? Well I was.  
To explain, Kaen and Himeko are the Messengers of Fate, who basically observe everything that we mortals do and guide and correct them. Like guardian angels or whatever you believe in. Whatever makes you happy.   
I love RealPlayer. Short loading time, good variety, and I can listen to my 34+ new tracks of anime music. Thanks Animedj! 1,2,3,4,5,6,7 Nights!   
Sorry, listening to Fire Bomber's 1,2,3,4,5,6,7 Nights from Macross 7. Fire Bomber's pretty cool. Usually I listen to J-popish stuff like Slayers, Sailor Moon, Fushigi Yuugi, or DBZ music. I've expanded out to Ranma 1/2, Macross 7, Tenchi Muyo, Baketsura Hunters, Cowboy Bebop, Saint Seiya, Flame of Recca, Card Captor Sakura, Record of Lodoss War, Maze, and more.   
Diversity is good. I'm an 80s Music, punk rock, J-pop/rock, techo kinda girl. I can have my Foo Fighters and Hayashibara Megumi, my Duran Duran and X Japan, whatever I feel like listening to.   
I really hate teeny bopper pop so I get sick of watching MTV and stuff like that that feeds of Britney Spears and N*SYNC.  
Question: Does anyone know the name of the person who sings 'You Get to Burning' from Martian Successor Nadesico? Please e-mail me if you know!   
And everyone try out listening to a Two-Mix song! You just might find you rather like them. Worked with Gundam Wing fans. Caffeine is good. 


End file.
